One physicist, two flights, three meals, the guy that asked for seconds, and the immigration employee of the month

I departed San Francisco late morning the day after thanksgiving on Northwest flight 27. I was to fly to Tokyo for a connection to Hong Kong. While standing in line waiting to check my baggage I found myself behind the guy that likes to talk to anyone who may or may not be remotely willing to listen. As the demure woman in front of him did not speak a lick of English, or at least had the luxury and good sense to pretend that she didnt, that left me as the target of his good natured but terminally dull discourse. He started talking to me mid-sentence, much like my mother does, under the assumption that I can in fact read his mind and understand where the train of thought began. He was talking about a lab somewhere and then his fold up bike, and then golfing and then back to his bike, and then finally something about a cyclotron. Perhaps my manners were a bit lacking, or perhaps it was just the day after thanksgiving hangover speaking, but i managed a "Hunh?" to which he responded "I'm Steve. I'm a physicist if you couldnt tell. I'm going to my lab in the hills outside of Tokyo for the next three months to work on a very secret project," in a way that clearly indicated he would probably tell me about the so-called secret project should i deign to ask. I didnt and he looked disappointed. Fortunately the seat selection gods were kind and I sat next to a very petite woman who folded up like a carnie and slept the whole flight.

I'm not quite sure where I got this image but I have always been of the impression that flights to asia are sort of like being on a flying carnival...multiple themed levels, elaborate cocktail bars and tea services, big fluffy slippers, and flight attendants dressed in their regional traditional apparel. Needless to say I may have been a bit disappointed upon boarding the plane though each seat did have video on demand which is pretty darn cool.

As part of a global effort to save money and screw travelers many US-based airlines now charge for booze on most domestic and european directed flights. It turns out they also charge on all flights to asia and between asian countries. This is tantamount to cruel and unusual punishment and should be reported to the UN Council for Human Rights.

Both flights were relatively uneventful and uninteresting, save the effects that eating three meals of airline food in less than 24 hours can have on you. The food was marginally better than that most recently experience on my trip to europe though one of these days I will remember to order a "special" meal since those always look a little less scary. Each selection featured fried rice plus a "meat", one shredded leaf of lettuce with a sprinkle of carrots and vat of ranch dressing, and a packaged roll with frozen butter. On the final leg from Tokyo to HK there was a choice of chicken or fish. Now having seen the movie Airplane! i know better than to order the fish. The young couple seated next to me apparently was not privy to this knowledge or less concerned about hatching eggs from their mouths and they chose the fish and ate it while chattering happily. And then the unthinkable happened. The guy asked the stewardess for seconds. He wanted more airplane fish. And they gave it to him. Dear god.

After 18+ hours of travel the plane finally landed in Hong Kong. The line at immigration was fairly substantial giving me time to note the ballots placed next to each somber looking official. "Vote for your favorite immigration official". Eh? Apparently the airport was having a contest for immigration official of the month and was asking patrons to help choose. On each ballot there was a box for the name and number of each official. Now, I think its great to reward public service however what exactly are the criteria for this competition ? Personality? Efficiency? Personal hygiene and grooming? Firmness with the stamp? As far as I could tell each official was a clone of the one before...all had the same stern glare and mechanical gestures and seemed to move at about the same processing rate. What does the winner get? Are there prizes? Bragging rights and increased self-esteem? A gift certificate for one of the 5 starbucks scattered throughout the airport? Its unfortunate that I will be leaving HK before the month's end as I am very curious to see the results of such an important contest.